


Remember Me the Way I Used to Be

by orphan_account



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: How Do I Tag, Identity Issues, Kaneki doesn't really think he's kaneki so it's a first person third person, Oneshot, Sad, Sad Tokyo Ghoul, Short, Tokyo Ghoul √A Finale Spoilers, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-16 05:54:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4613691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A random Tokyo Ghoul fanfiction that takes place from Kaneki's point of view right after he changes after the whole incident with Jason, which leaves him feeling like someone he doesn't know as he struggles to claim his identity, feeling more like a monster than like Kaneki Ken, unlike how everyone expects him to still be.</p><p>or</p><p>The 'sort of song-fic' to Unravel one-shot</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember Me the Way I Used to Be

**Author's Note:**

> (also posted on my Fanfiction, Wattpad, and Tumblr.)

**_Oh, won’t you tell me? Please just tell me._ **

**_Explain how this should work._ **

The snow is falling gently down onto his face. His white hair ruffles in front of his face. Huh? White? Kaneki really does remember his hair being very black, but that doesn’t even seem to bother him. Starting over, that’s what he’s doing. The old Kaneki is dead. Completely and utterly dead, never to be seen again.

**_Well now who could it be, that lives inside of me?_ **

   But maybe Kaneki himself would see him amongst the others who now resided in him, with Rize. 

  
**_I’m broken, lying helpless, shattered  
Surrounded by the world_ **

Taking in a deep, trembling breath he pushed himself up, wiping the blood from below his mouth. The snow is cold. He knows that much, it’s cold, he can feel that. But it doesn’t hurt. He faintly recalls that if he were wearing shorts and a T-shirt in this weather before he would have been feeling the chilly, painful bite of the snowflakes hitting his skin softly. It doesn’t hurt now. It just feels cold. Would anything really hurt anymore? Taking another shuddering breath Kaneki looked up slowly. Touka-chan. Staring at him, sitting against a tree. Her mouth was hung open slightly. That made sense. Did he even look like ‘Kaneki’ anymore, covered in blood and scratches, clothing torn and with his white hair? Did he look like… a stranger completely?

**_And yet, you’re smiling bright  
Completely blind to life_ **

Touka-chan smiles slowly, trying at a joke about him having to dye his hair black. Kaneki blinked slowly. After all of this, could he really return to Anteiku?

 **_My ruptured lungs; they were left this way_ **  
**_For once, I’m out of breath._ **  
**_The truth I seek, never felt so bleak but,_ **  
**_I maintain my depth_ **

**_Freeze_ **

**_I’m breakable;_ **  
**_Unbreakable_ **  
**_I’m shaking yet,_ **  
**_Unshakable_ **  
**_Until the day that you find me._ **

Could He do that? Could He just pick up and return to the coffee shop with Touka-chan and Hinami and see Hide again just like nothing ever changed? It didn’t feel like it. He would be an impostor. Whoever He was now, it was’t Kaneki Ken. And how dare He try and take place of Kaneki Ken? Who did He think he was, to ever even consider stealing his job and his life? He couldn’t do that. But who was He now, after all of this, then? If he wasn’t Kaneki Ken, then who the hell was He?

 **_I’ll stand here,_ **  
**_Existing and feeling wretched* existence_ **  
**_Consuming life-force til I grow distant_ **  
**_Don’t bother searching for somebody like me._ **  
**_A fading no one._ **

He swallowed, turning away from Touka-chan.   
“I’m not going back to Anteiku,” he whispered. I can’t do that. You don’t understand, you think I can go back and things will be the same as before, but they won’t. I’m not Kaneki. I’ve never met you before, really. I can’t go back with you, I’m sorry. Rapidly he decided where he would go then. “I’m going back… with Aogiri.” Aogiri. Yeah, that’s the one place Kaneki Ken would never chase Him. Kaneki’s life was like hundreds of ropes tied to Him. They wouldn’t get off, they stayed on and kept Him tied to the ground. To Kaneki’s life. He had to cut all of those ropes. He had to escape.

**_I don’t want to hurt you, It’s not my nature.  
A monster born from dusk to dawn can’t be your saviour_ **

Turning away again and taking several steps forward He heard Touka-chan get up and stumble after Him, gasping and calling after Him. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.    
He kept walking, making the breifest eye contact with the agent from CCG. The one He let go.  The man stared for a minute before slowly reaching towards his weapon. He looked away quickly. Please don’t make me fight you. I don’t care if Kaneki let you go, I may not. The man stared at his back as He kept walking. He heard Touka-chan slump to the ground. He couldn’t do anything, she wanted Kaneki to return. She came to save Kaneki and bring him back and bring things back to the way they were, but she didn’t know that Kaneki was dead, and He was only an impostor. But still.

 ** _Remember the ‘me’, the way I used to be._**  
  
With a final glance back He sent one last thought to Touka-chan. ‘Please don’t forget me, who I used to be. Remember me.’

**_As who I still should be._ **

‘Remember… who I should still be, remember Kaneki. Forget whoever I am now. Just remember Kaneki and who he was.’

**_The isolation spreads and tears_ **

He turned around one last time, swearing not to look back again.

**_Those happy /days, pierce into me_ **

He hated whoever it was that He became. He hated to admit that, really, He wanted to bring Kaneki back. He didn’t care if He would die, He would very well die to bring back Kaneki, to do what everyone wanted.   
These lonely memories cease to care

The memories that stabbed into Him were merciless, piercing His heart brutally and making Him stumble as he walked. Lonely. That’s what this feeling was. He was so, so lonely. He, quite literally, had nobody. Nobody knew Him except Him. He would know people, of course, because this was the beginning and there would be more and He would start again, but it hurt like hell that He was beginning again. He didn’t want to.

**_They spread throughout my history_ **

He wanted to go back to the coffee shop with the Manager and Touka-chan and Nikashi-kun and hell, He wanted to go back to the coffee shop, alright, He wanted to go back to the coffee shop the day He had sat there with Hide and He had been teased by His friend about the cute girl He had talked about. He wanted to go back and never talk to that girl. He wanted to never have agreed to walk with Rize. He wanted to go back to His life, it was so unfair that it had been ripped away from him. Not once, but twice now. He didn’t care which He got back, if He could get his life, one of them at least, back he would.

_**I’ll never move** _   
_**I’ll never lose** _   
_**I’ll never move** _   
_**I’ll never lose** _   
_**I’ll never move** _   
_**I’ll never lose you.** _   
_**Unraveling the world** _

_**At once, I start changing,** _   
_**Yet everything’s remaining** _   
_**These lives I felt would join as one,** _   
_**They fade away before they’ve begun.** _

Wasn’t not that He was becoming a new person, though? Wasn’t He just combining many people once more? Wasn’t He becoming one life rather than four separate one? Him now, and Kaneki and the human He had been and Rize, all there together?

That’s not it, though, and He knows it. He can’t combine what’s not there. They’re all gone. All of them, except who His is now, whoever that may be.

_**I’m breakable; unbreakable** _   
_**I’m shaking yet, unshakable** _   
_**Until these hands “contaminate” you** _

Who is it He is now? Who is it that He’s becoming, and who was He going to meet and would they become close to somebody who, once more, would just fade away and change and not remain? Who would disappear without a trace?

_**I’ll stand here existing and feeling wretched existence** _   
_**Consuming life-force til I grow distant** _   
_**Don’t bother searching for somebody like me. A fading no one.** _   
_**This lonely space, held into place by someone crazy** _   
_**Shall melt away like dawn to day as things get hazy** _   
_**So please think of me, the way I used to be.** _

_‘Don’t forget me, don’t forget me, don’t forget me, don’t forget me, don’t forget me, don’t forget me, don’t forget me!’_  He desperately calls to anyone who will listen. He grapples for any trace of Kaneki Ken that’s left in Him and flings the traces out with His desperate pleas. “Don’t forget me, don’t forget me, don’t forget me, don’t forget me!” The words had grown louder and louder until He had been shouting.

**_As who I really should be_ **

Kaneki was gone, now, for good. Anything that had remained had been flung into the snow and the wind and now all that was left was’t have the foggiest who He was supposed to be, though. He had an aching suspicion it had been Kaneki Ken though— the boy He had just thrown out into the snow.

 the empty shell, the empty soul with no name, no identity and nobody who knew Him. Standing alone in the snow. That’s not who He was supposed to be. He didn

 

**_With changing inside I’m completely paralyzed  
Remaining corrupt as I wish for paradise_ **

**_Remember the 'me’, the way I used to be._ **

**_Oh, won’t you tell? Oh, please just tell…  
Well now who could it be, that lives inside of me?_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Comment what you thought! If you find any mistakes please leave them in the comments. Subscribe for more and leave a kudos if you enjoyed, thanks for checking out my work.


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